Crush, just a crush, you are not actually falling in love with him/her. It happened when you saw him at the first time, love at the first sight, or even when you had known that person in a long time and there was the time, just crushed on your mind, you like that person. You know, sometimes crush, love, and admire could mixed up (reference to my experience). When earlier you thought that was one of it, you realized later that it was the other one. High School Crush, of course, it wasn’t a guidance experiences, it’s just my story.
I had not only experienced one time crushing, many times. This one happened in a long period of time, high school. Frankly, I never date to anyone until today, because my Dad had always remind me that I had to finish my school first, then I could dating a boy. It wasn’t I didn’t interested in anyone or no-one interested with me, but because I ignored that feeling. So, it started in XIth grade, a festival was held two days in my school. The festival divided the school into some stands. I participated in quite important role in my stand. And this guy is on the same stand with me, on the preparation for the festival, I didn’t have any feelings to him, just friend.
Until the festival is being held, we always together, what I mean is, almost every time saw him in two days. He teased me, of course, after all we are just friend and his friend said, “You teased her, means you like her”. I was laughing at that time. On the next day of festival I met him again, saluting to each other. In the lunch the member of my stand were asked to have lunch in my teacher’s (who were also the supervisor of my stand) house. At that time there were only me, that guy, one junior and one senior. My senior said he will have the lunch after us, so the three of us went there. Chatting and laughing, until we reached there. After the lunch has over, we were going back to the festival, only me and that guy, the junior had gone somewhere I don’t know where it was. We walked together (just the two of us) and had a chat, but at that time I think, I had a crush on him.
I liked to write everything happened in my life on my diary. I wrote on my diary, the first time I had a crush on him every time I saw him, and everything about him. I was categorized as a shy person, if it is related with a person I had a crush on. But, like people told me, I was actually a funny, friendly, crowd and happy girl, and everything change in 180 degree if I had a crush on a boy, it was like my alter ego. I wasn’t to obsessed with him, I didn’t go over him like came to his class to say hi, everyday. I prefer to talk with him (if not so important) when he started it first. But, everything changed when an unexpected thing happened.
This guy was actually quite popular in my batch. He actually wasn’t very handsome and cute, not so clever either, but he is very kind and funny, he could make jokes and made me laugh, and I think that was the reason why I liked him. And maybe that was also the reason some of the girls in my batch liked him. You know, when you liked someone, you thought that he was yours, and you are very jealous if anyone is near to him and even like him! I was jealous. But, the girls who like him are my friends, and quite close to me. I hate that condition, but no-one ever know my feeling, even my parent, only my diary knew everything, so the wars of jealousy only happened in my heart. He was a calm person, since in the high school I never see him with a girl, not because no girl like him, but he wasn’t aggresive, maybe he also had a crush on someone, but I never knew it.
He was awarded as my long period crush. He made some kind of sign that kept me liking me, he teased me, made a joke, and I just can’t stop falling from him. Study tour was another experience, everytime I see him our eyes’ met. Maybe that was incident but I liked it. We saved our memory of study tour on photo, everyone taking pictures of them, their classes, their group, and when one of my friend asked me to take their photo, I was asked if I want to take my photo with him. Deep inside of my heart saying, “Yes, yes, I would love to!!! Take it right now!!”. But I am not saying like that instead, “Ok, if he would like to”.
So, the crushing things happened until I was in XIIth grade, even though we were not so close but we were quite good friend. I had a holiday trip with him and with my other friends. It was very usual trip but, I had so much fun with it. Anyway, after that trip I became closer to him, I mean we saluting to each other more often than before and I liked it. I always thought that he may liked me, too, but I always thought that was impossible and never happen even though I kept praying he would liked me back . Until the graduation day, my friend said that on that day many of my friends going to express their feeling to their love one, and I thought he would do the same to me, but that would never happen. When I cried a lot that time, I was wishing badly inside my heart but again, he only said, “I am sorry for always teasing you on this 3 years, thank you for being my friend”. Inside my heart, “Never mind, teased me everyday, and I will always love you”, of course I didn’t said that, instead I said NOTHING. I just shooked my head which means, “No, that’s okay”.
That was all, everything has over. After all it was just a crush. I tried to forget him, it was like his image won’t go away, because I was the one who kept his image on my mind. Anyway, as the time goes by, now I didn’t think about him any more, and maybe because I had meeting new friends in the college. And from that experience, I picked some good lessons and a quote from Khalil Gibran who said, ” If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they will always yours, but if they don’t, they were never“. And of course there is also a song that I loved so much both the lyric and the singer:
Crush-David Archuleta
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me, just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know
Do you ever think when you’re all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
?Cause I’ve tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we’re hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?
See it’s a chance we’ve gotta take
?Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever!
Do you ever think when you’re all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
?Cause I’ve tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know
Do you ever think when you’re all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
?Cause I’ve tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
This crush ain’t going away-ay-ay
Going away
Going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay
High School Crush, another experience I had shared with you, hope it gives benefits to anyone who read this post patiently until the end of it. Thank you for reading it, wish me luck for next level of my life.
Oka Kartikasari
Wednesday, 29th July 2009
@Grows.Net, Bekasi
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